The Obscurities Of Change

Everything is so close. down the road or down the street. and no one makes choices. no one wants change because change means sadness. and sadness means disappointment. and disappointment means expectations that weren’t met. people live so that sadness doesn’t touch them, grief doesn’t hit them, and fear doesn’t push them. but instead, the sadness taunts them, the grief worries them, and the fear kills them. no, living isn’t overrated, but the subject is delicate. at this point, everyone stops trying to be someone they can’t be. stop trying to impress no one that matters. stop trying to be someone they aren’t. everyone is different and everyone has expectations that can’t be met. some of us can’t deal with it. speaking of the general subject, life is already planned. someone already knows what happens. there is no changing it. there is no getting rid of the past. the past. everyone is the same in a way. we all avoid what we are afraid of. run away from the things that scare us. think about the past and let it haunt us for a little while. turn away from the people that love us, and try to love the people that hate us. never tell the truth to anyone because no one believes you, anyway. talking doesn’t help, because it leads to shouting. it leads to arguments that should have never been started from someone you wish you had never met, when at the time, you could have sworn it was the time of your life. then everyone is screaming and all of a sudden the world is passing you by, in a swirling mass of confusion and hate, love and anger. no one can help, because no one understands and the people that do are too afraid to speak up. home is not where the heart is, because the heart is distant, and the mind is wandering. the life that was inevitable has begun.

Sometimes it’s one call, and sometimes its one word. sometimes it’s one person who you thought you could trust. and all the time, it doesn’t end well. at this moment, everyone is distant. you’re walking around, lost to the world, staring at the sky, wondering why life is pushing you the wrong way. wondering what’s wrong, and why trying to fix it is like doing nothing. shivering from the fear and worry, choking from the breath that may be your last. remembering how everyone hurt you, and how no one cared. walking down the stone path of memories, wishing you could stand the hurt thrust upon you from above. no one is shouting anymore. everyone stares down at the table because no one knows what to say. the tension is heavy, drowning us. some of us are swimming, and some of us are trying to. a clear sphere drops with a splish on the table and everyone slowly looks up. and we really are drowning. the skid of the chairs on linoleum, the confusion in your eyes, and the fear in mine. the hurt in hers. head in hands, darkness the only escape. this time, everyone is lost. we remember how everything happened, what used to be that no one would ever try to bring back. forgetting memories because all they do is make everything worse. remembering yesterday, because that is the only thing left to hold on to. quiet glances in the hallways, secrets passed through pupils. learning from last time, no words are spoken. because words mean another argument, and another argument won’t do anyone any good today. splitting ways, torn apart. ripped pages, broken lives. no more pretending.