Carousel Dreams....

lost for words. too hurt to speak. wondering what the goal is. how long does it take, for the carousel to stop turning? for the person in the booth to realize that no one wants to be on the ride anymore? she’s holding on, and i’m watching her, scared. the music is still going and no one knows where we stand. i’m jumping, because i can’t take it anymore. the music, and subtle hate, the desperate happiness that doesn’t exist. it’s all too much. and everyone wants it to be over. i’m off, making my way over to the booth. to take control. so it all stops. the music. the turning. we split paths again, making excuses for nothing. to go nowhere. cold hands, closed eyes, words unspoken. and now, physical pain. friends separated for eternity. no turning back. lost souls floating in a cloudy above. and there she stands, alone, wondering what to do. what will happen when there is no one left. because that’s how it is now. she knows to not take action. action does nothing but leave the situation worse. forgiveness are words that mean nothing to the person who said them or the one listening. and now she’s alone. shouting, cursing, fear, pain. shaking hands, trembling lips. now. what’s left. a girl running her life by, spinning into thin air. materializing into what? what she already was. something not seen. but instead of seeming nothing, she is nothing. so what’s changed? you ran back. you ran as fast as you could. you were sprinting. your life depended on it. while you watched me disappear. and you didn’t catch me. you were too late. no more barriers, no more hate, no more pain. i’ve taken what you never wanted in the beginning: me.


This is a story of a girl who used to be mean a lot to me, a girl who is now lost to me, and a girl who unfortunately enough i still care about.. i dont know who to trust anymore. because from my experience, everyone leaves in the end anyway.